The Belly Reaches its Roundest Girth

I’m 37 and a half weeks pregnant but I’m committed to writing a blog every month and it’s February 28th at 10pm, so let’s get to it!

Since pregnancy is almost over and birth is eminent, as in, could happen any time from now till March 26th which would be my induction date if he’s late, let’s muse on pregnancy one last time. The next blog will be when we are two separate humans. Tonight, me and my boy are still one.

·      Seeing Black Panther in the front row is hard on the neck, but the baby loved the surround sound and flipped and tossed the whole way through Wakanda and everything beautiful about this movie

·      I had my first pregnancy “yell at a student” moment yesterday. I have a freshman who likes to sit in my rolling chair and do funny bits like he’s in a wheel chair or a train conductor or a flying deathstar. I had a low blood pressure moment and screamed in the middle of his pretend truck backing up, “GET OUT OF MY CHAIR.” He did.

·      My doctor saw my exposed stomach during a Braxton Hicks contraction today and goes “Huh.  That’s a funny shape. Almost square.” To which I wasn’t sure what to do. Get scared? Laugh with him? If my uterus is square then will it have the top strength to push the baby out?! Do other people have square uterus’s? And how did their births go? Did the baby come out a different shape like the plastic shapes you fit in the shape topped bucket?

·      Having a stomach bug and being this pregnant is very confusing to your brain – it can’t quite sort out what’s baby and what’s intestines going nuts. They become one giant labyrinth like in Stranger Things. PS: where the heck did my intestines even go?! They used to be in the front under my stomach. There’s a watermelon child there now so … where are they?! Off to the sides? In my back? Dispersed through my extremities?

·      Rob’s now telling people his “wife has two brains, two hearts, four legs and one penis.” He’s right.

·      The amount of people who say “you should name him_____” and insert their own name is rivaling how many times people have told me “Annie Get Your Gun” and think they’re original.

·      Having your pregnancy photo shoot with a senior visual arts student at your own school is interesting. Especially during a passing period when even though the door is locked you’re prepping to pull down the tank top that has just exposed your big belly.

·      140 students threw me a baby shower that was, well, unconventionally the best ever and made my heart grow ten times it’s size. And unlike the Grinch, it had a starting point of largeness already : )

THE END!

(Next up, post partum zombie mom over tired blog!)