Strange Workplace

In a world where people’s teeth fall out all around you. All the time. Where your colleague smiles at you in the morning and there are teeth there. And when they ask for a pen after the lunch break there is a gaping hole when they say “This ith my latht one but thure.” And this. Is normal. Now they also can’t speak? Is it a curse? Something in the water? To make matters stranger, though normal for this workplace, after the holiday break, the gaping hole is now filled. With ridged tectonic plates pushing into a gap that is not big enough therefore causing it to shoot off in a wild direction when the obvious would be, well, down. 

I don’t know how anyone lives this way. It’s terrifying. And I haven’t even begun to get into the amount of unannounced visitors these colleagues solicit by scribbling many poorly crafted letters. Insane, unimaginable invites where it is all take and no give. Dear Santa/Elf on a Shelf/Mensch on a Bench/Ect, please come over. Sneak in when I’m asleep. Leave stuff even. Then leave before I wake. —Jamie.

Okay? And let’s talk about their poor boss. Well intentioned. Posts lots of visual notices in a variety of colors emphasizing civilized workplace norms. You know? And yet, regularly, the way these colleagues solve conflicts around work projects is by farting, non sequitur falling, and when the boss asks about the project data deadline one comment about Moana 2 sends the entire work environment into Maui impressions that include more falling.

Finally, when the boss asks for four two digit numbers to be added without a calculator, these colleagues can do it in a flash. But when asked where their other shoe is at dismissal, well, good luck. Good luck to all the first grade teachers out there. You have my love and support.