Learning to say "I want"

Here's a list of things I'd rather do, than feel the painful feeling of self growth. For me, it's been learning to say "I like..." and "I want to..." instead of asking "Do you want to..." as an indirect way of "Suggesting" what I really want. I want to be more clear. More direct. But I'm fighting years of bad habits - habits formed as a young girl where I deferred to other people's happiness and well being - habits formed as a female in a society where men often held the upper hand and being more "submissively creative" in my question phrasing would get me what I want. It's also a simple fear of vulnerability and shyness. I've always been a shy kid deep down. So when you state what you directly want or like, there's a chance you'll be shot down more directly. I have no problem stating what I want and like in certain contexts, but with some work situations and with my partner, it's harder. I don't know where the middle ground is. Either I'm politely "questioning" in order to state my opinion, or I jump to anger when I feel I must state "I want." How can I be clear and direct without being passive or angry? I don't know that path yet. I want to. But it's not there - like a gap in a row of teeth - hopefully the missing one will come in before school picture day...but for now maybe I'll try to find the humor in this "I want" journey by drinking chocolate milk with a straw in the hole where I wish the "I want" tooth would grow.