Directing a middle school musical.

Constant struggle between product and process when doing theatre with adolescents. I see a side of them a lot of adults wouldn't begin to believe - their immense capability for compassion for forgiveness for grit and determination. And so when they are falling short of what I know they're capable of i have to make decisions. Decisions that call for nuanced and tuned in discretion. Do I push them hard towards a higher product that they will derive tons of self confidence and group pride and autonomy and empowerment from? Or do I sacrifice some "limbs of learning" in the process by pushing hard...? Or do I instead realize that every third day they are children and every first and second day they are emerging adults...And therefore sometimes just hold them when they cry and have a meltdown? It's tough to be the "school parent" of 24 middle school adolescents trying to do something big and playful and artistic and larger then themselves - some for the very first time ... When is it laziness and when is it out of their control (home circumstances ect...). My days are filled with towing this line of questions and hoping I made the right choice in the right moment ...