I'm a "keep my new shoes under my bed kind of person"

In August of every school year, no matter what the current trend, I wanted new white Reebok tennis shoes. I’ve never been ahead of the curve. Though I’m a first born, I didn’t always do things “first.” As other first-born’s may know, we have a tendency to watch and observe for a while – years even – until we deem something try-able. For example:

1. Get contacts: not till 18 yrs old

2. Wear my hair down: 14 yrs old

3. Pierce my ears: 24 yrs old

4. Eat Sushi: 26 yrs old

5. Wear make up: not until grad school…no, middle of grad school, age 25 yrs old

6. Tell the hair person “no actually it’s not fine, I still want another inch off”: still haven’t done this

7. Discovering the genius of The West Wing 18 years after it aired: 33 yrs old

I’ve always been a “keep my new shoes under my bed” person as well. I think this is because I get more benefit from the idea that I own pristine shoes instead of actually wearing the pristine shoes. Maybe this is because I’m a writer where ideas can sometimes top reality. Wearing the shoes means they aren’t new anymore in seven days. Not wearing them means the idea of “new” lives on forever! (*side note: I’m thrilled that I married someone who is “wear my new shoes right away” kind of person – someone who goes out and does and tries and discovers right away)

The problem with being a “keep my new shoes under my bed” kind of person is that it keeps you in your head. It keeps you from having the new experiences of a person ACTUALLY wearing their new shoes. You miss the social interaction of people saying “Hey nice shoes!” or the increase in your speed during a soccer game.

I wish knowing my own tendencies was all that was needed to keep me from entering into them repeatedly. But, nope. Then, I had another revelation. It’s not only the need to keep the new shoes new that keeps them under my bed, it’s also my love of the familiar old shoes – my unwillingness to let them go! I mean, we have a history together! The Old Shoes know I’m a runner and have created indents that fit my arches perfectly. The Old Shoes know that I have scoliosis, so they wear down the bottom left of the right shoe so I don’t trip because one of my legs is a bit longer. The Old Shoes know I like walking through puddles and dancing like a clumsy bird. The Old Shoes know to get a little lighter on the days my students need my energy.

It has been my “keep my new shoes under the bed” self that has resisted moving to Chicago. Yes, Rob and I are moving to Chicago in five weeks. LA has been an incredible pair of Old Shoes that I’ve walked around in, scuffed up with love and that I’m resisting letting go of.

When the opportunities for Rob and I first arose, we were both flattered by the job offers, he a full time acting professorship at DePaul’s Theatre School, and me the Theatre Department Head at ChiArts (The Chicago HS for the Arts). But I preferred to keep this offer under my bed – a pair of new shoes. The job was a nice thought to think, but definitely not an idea to take out and walk around in. Chicago?! COLD. I already lived there. There are no mountains or ocean. What will happen to my theatre program I founded in South LA? What will happen to the school I founded and have poured my heart into for the last five years? What about my founding brothers and sisters; Aisha, Tiffany, Tommy and Allan? The five of us started Kipp Scholar Academy in 2012 and I love them so deeply I would go into battle with them. And have. Because fighting for equity in education in South LA is the most intense war I’ve ever fought.

But then, as always, it was a story that helped me see things differently. Rob and I have been watching The West Wing (Rob for the fifth time, and me for the first). It’s been a lovely alternate reality to enter into every night with our current US politics devolving into shit. We’re nearing the end of the series. I have loved the camaraderie and ensemble cast. I have likened them to myself and my school founders; as we run our school, Jed Bartlet, CJ Craig, Josh Lyman, Sam Seaborn, and Toby Zeigler run the “country.”

I’m not going to worry about spoiling a show that’s been off the air for ten years, but please stop reading now if you’re a first-born and therefore late to things like The West Wing. CJ has to step into the Chief of Staff position when Leo has a heart attack. Watching her tackle this new role gave me courage to take a peak at my “new shoes/new job” as a reality instead of an idea. Then, I brought up the possible move with my principal and good friend Tiffany Moore. She encouraged me as well and I began to realize that all of the founders were moving to positions of game changing leadership next year – right at the point in The West Wing season 7 when the West Wing team is splitting up to run new campaigns ect. I really hate watching this season because I prefer to see the staff working together instead of Josh out on the campaign trail and Leo running for VP and CJ back in the White House by herself. But Rob pointed out that if the characters stayed together, they couldn’t influence the next presidency since Jed Bartlet is now entering his 8th year.

I couldn’t stop comparing The West Wing staff to my KSA family. If we all stayed in our comfortable classroom positions, our reach wouldn’t extend farther. All of the founders of KSA have continued or new influential posts on the horizon. Tiffany will continue as Principal, Aisha will continue as Assistant Principal, Allan will be moving to NYC to be a principal, and Tommy will step outside the classroom for the first time in 25 years to become a teaching coach. And then there’s me. I am always late to the trend…and something didn’t feel right about keeping the Chicago offer under my bed when all my founders were growing.

It’s time to take the new shoes out and wear them. It’s time to walk into Chicago ready to accept the new challenge of being a Theatre Department Head at ChiArts for the first time. It’s exciting and scary. And man, will I miss my founders. Strangely enough, I was also on the founding staff of ChiArts eight years ago…so in a way, stepping into this new job is an incredible transition of the new becoming old becoming new again.